The "Talking Heads" on popular sports radio stations, television networks, newspapers, and the internet have forced us to read, listen to, and tolerate the repetitive barf they have been spewing for far too long. It's a Male Soap Opera. Manufacturing drama out of each and every little event that happens in the sporting world and feeding the egos of the sports figures and franchises that we all love - or love to hate.
I suppose it's not always their fault. They all work hard and are forced to deal with the pressure of ratings and deadlines in order to keep their columns and shows popular and well funded by advertisers. I would submit, however, that a byproduct of this system is that they are forced (or choose?) to keep regurgitating the the same opinions and the differing viewpoints on issues that are so mind-numbingly irritating that I'd sooner eat a spoonful of my own sh*t than listen to it again. Then again, I guess we could all just turn the channel and save ourselves the grief, but what fun would that be?
I can't promise that I won't feed the drama. But I promise that I won't manufacture it. I'm going to react to it. Tell you why it's ridiculous. Tame the shameless drama being shoveled into our faces by those getting paid to tell us what - and who - is important in the world of sports. I'm going to challenge how we should really be reacting to this drama, while actively lamenting the fact that our traditional sports media outlets have been sentencing us to this analytical charlatanism with the same alacrity employed by Judge Alvin "JP" Valkenheiser when condemning unsuspecting felony offenders to the merciless justice of "Mister Bonestripper" in 1991's "Nothing But Trouble". (See link below).
Bonestripper Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enUo-1TjdEs
You better believe I'm serious. I went cold turkey from the Male Soap Opera for just over 3 years because I just couldn't take being force fed the opinions of these goons ad nauseam. In a related matter, I was also preoccupied by more important matters at the time. But, now I'm roped back in and thus we are all forced to suffer together. After all, misery loves company.
Next up:
This may seem like a cop-out, but it's fitting. My biggest gripe with the Male Soap Opera is the constant coverage of idiotic stories that I would love to forget. So, why not just jump into the biggest drama to exist in all of sports: Brett Favre. Why the hell is he being shoved into our lives again and why should we care?
Trust me. I have a take on this that (1) you haven't heard before, and (2) I'm not sure that I even agree with.
Also:
Why Tony Reali can't stop making that "face".
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I can't wait until the next installment!
ReplyDeleteSadly, I instantly knew who Alvin "JP" Valkenheiser was. It was always creepy how the twins went "ga-ga" over Demi Moore. Do you suppose one of those was an infant Ashton Kutcher?
ReplyDeleteThe creepiest scene was always when Valkenheiser was taking his face apart when getting ready for bed. And, yes, if you research the making of the movie, it is revealed that Ashton Kutcher, cousin of Sloth from "Goonies", devoured his twin brother in order to become the he is today.
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